Welcome to Mostly Unlearning, a newsletter that amplifies accessibility, inlcusion and disability voices towards more impactful commercial and human outcomes.
Today's edition draws parallels between the LGBTQIA+ community and people with disabilities. It's not always understood that the LGBTQIA+ community and the disability community share a common experience of coming out.
Disabled people, too, experience regularly coming out. This edition draws parallels in these experiences. This is less about intersectionality, when someone is part of both communities, and more about a common experience of each community.
Originally posted on LinkedIn, Mostly Unlearning June 2024.
The coming out experience.
Coming out is an act of addressing someone's assumptions about you. It is a process of acknowledging and sharing a significant and often stigmatised aspect of our identity—to ourselves and others. It is a deeply personal and sometimes challenging experience, as it involves revealing a significant aspect of our identity that may have been previously hidden.
While ‘coming out’ is generally associated with sexual orientation or gender identity, it's not a unique experience for the LGBTQIA+ community. An estimated 80-90% of disabilities are invisible or hidden; even those with visible disabilities may have invisible ones too. These are hidden aspects of us that we may or may not be ready to share.
The common thread in all these experiences is the act of revealing a part of oneself that has been hidden, either intentionally or unintentionally, to live more authentically and openly.
Sharing that I am disabled is a form of coming out. One I can find myself doing multiple times a day.
It took me years to grapple with identifying as disabled, as it can for many in the LGBTQIA+ and disability communities.
Drawing parallels
I will preface this by saying that not everyone's experiences are the same. Some of these may resonate with you, and some may not. At a societal level, there are parallels that can help build an understanding of each other's experiences. In the disability community, we often hear 'disclosure' as a synonym for 'coming out.' Some people prefer to say 'sharing' as it humanises the moment. Whichever words you prefer, the parallels are
Hetero-normative and abled assumptions are the societal default. Whether you like it or not, it's assumed someone is straight and not disabled. This assumption is the reason for needing to come out.
Invisible, hidden, until shared. It’s estimated that 80-90% of disabilities are invisible. In many cases, to know someone's relationship, sexuality and sometimes gender identity requires them to share that with you.
Sharing can be a choice. In many cases, we can choose what we share, if we share, and to whom our disability, needs, gender, and sexuality are disclosed. It’s nobody's right to know these things about another person. Sometimes, it's expected of us in medical settings or health and safety at work. It's all too common for people to dangle access needs behind the expectation of invasive and onerous details. They often do not have the right or the need to know details. I’ve sometimes asked outright, “What will you do differently with this information?”, the subtext being “other than invade my privacy and discriminate against me”?
Health implications to remaining silent. Not asking for your disability needs to be met can put you at risk - physically, mentally and financially. Disclosing is a discrimination risk. Hiding sexual orientation and gender identity can affect mental health, increase the risk of self-harm, and lead to reluctance to seek further medical help. For some groups within both communities, this impacts mortality and exposes them to discrimination.
Sharing is trusting. Sharing personal information is an act of trust. It involves heightened vulnerability, especially at key moments in life, such as starting a family, beginning a new job, or entering a new relationship. These moments often require more instances of coming out and entail greater vulnerability.
In summary
As we conclude LGBTQIA+ Pride Month (June) and transition into Disability Pride Month (July), I encourage you to recognise our shared experiences, including the act of coming out. By understanding these parallels, we can strengthen our collective goal of a more inclusive and accessible world.
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One of the core tenets of Mostly Unlearning is that our systems shouldn't rely on individual bravery, but they often do. And when they do, it's disabled people who carry the heaviest load.
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Unlearning prompts
Did you consider that people with disabilities also have to come out?
Did you know that disabled individuals face challenges when coming out too?
How might these two communities strengthen their support for inclusion and accessibility together?
For LGBTQIA+ advocates and allies, how might you support your disabled peers?
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This is brilliantly and beautifully written. Thank you so much for sharing your experience.